American Sniper - A Review (a Veteran's perspective)

Finally, after patiently waiting for two weeks after the national release in theaters, I went to a cozy theater last night and watched Bradley Cooper portray Navy SEAL, the late Chris Kyle, in the long, personally anticipated movie, American Sniper.  While watching the movie I knew I had to, at some point, add my two cents on the Academy Award nominated film.  I mean, if Michael Moore, Seth Rogen, and some NBC reporter named Ayman Mohyeldin can share their opinion, well, I'm a Veteran, still a National Guard soldier, I should be able to share my feelings on it too...


Right?


Uh, you are damn straight.  I woke up at precisely 0444 hours this morning, I figured it was for one of two reasons.  My desire to put my thoughts on this film down electronically (been a year since my last post) or the fact I was a multi-million dollar winner of the powerball jackpot.  After checking my numbers, I realized it was not the latter, so I sluggishly made my way to my computer.  I'll comment on the aforementioned trio of douchebags later, but considering I have been to Iraq, ok, ok, I wasn't a Navy SEAL, or a special operator, I was simply the Noncommissioned Officer in Charge (NCOIC) of a quaint little Troop Medical Clinic (TMC) along MSR Tampa between Talil Air Base (in southern Iraq) and Baghdad.  And to boot, I was a Utah Army National Guardsmen, my active component Army days ended in 2001, before the September 11th attacks, but that is what propelled me back into service, albeit part time.  I'm still here, after 18 long years, serving, albeit, still on a part time basis.  As I was saying, I was in Iraq, although Chris Kyle's mission was drastically different than mine, I served in the role my country, state, and unit requested of me, no different than Chris Kyle.  I also wrote and published a book, yes, again, no where near the notoriety or sales of Kyle's book, but that wasn't the goal.  The goal was trying to reach closure and paint a picture of sacrifice on the grand scheme, as the movie, and book Kyle wrote describes, that sacrifice extends out beyond the scope of the individual, team, or unit of service members.  The whole military community feels the long lasting effects of service experienced over these long lasting conflicts.  The brunt of the weight affecting the families at home during deployments. 


First thing I will admit, I scrutinize war movies, especially from this generation of conflict, with a heavy hand.  I can't help it, every detail down to the uniform worn, I'm anal about, but with this movie, luckily, the majority of players were Navy and Marines, so they could have had pink unicorns sewn on their collar for rank and I would have been completely ignorant, well, not completely, but I wasn't as in tune as  I would have been with an Army focused movie.  However, that is an internal flaw, no need to elaborate, this movie wasn't necessarily made to be completely appealing to the service member, although it has been.  The general public generates the revenue, and the general public has made the movie a box office success, beyond what I think many expected. 


As for the movie's overall message, exploring the transition from a peace keeping force, to a war hardened force, on the individual level, I thought it was extremely well done.  Bradley Cooper, did his work, he brought Chris Kyle to life on the big screen, but only told a small portion of the overall story.  However, it was sufficient, and made me reflect of my deployment in 2005-2006, and how it changed me, although I denied it for a long time afterward, when my wife (we are now separated and she is back in Utah) kept telling me I was different.  I'm under the firm belief that all service members returning from deployment to a combat zone, return changed, I don't think anyone can be excluded.  Now, there will be many that deny change, but I think those individuals are lying to themselves, as many of us do after retuning home.  Many lie for years and years afterwards, unfortunately at times it leads to their demise, as the mission still plays out in their fragile minds, and eventually drives them to the darkest corners of life, feeling alone, helpless, and unable to cope within the free society for which they fought, bled, and sacrificed.  I still see some of these guys on a monthly basis, as a medical officer in the Pennsylvania Army National Guard, teetering on the fence, between this life they reside in and struggle to live for, and the reflection of a deployment past, and the pathway into the abyss.  It breaks my heart, because not everyone can be helped, or wants help, nor can everyone be saved.  If anyone tells you that, again, a liar.  I speak from personal experience, I won't elaborate further, but my family understands.  These individuals answer the questions appropriately, denying ideations of suicide or homicide, but this is where we need to focus more attention, whether they want help or not, we need to give them the opportunity to escape falling into the abyss.  If only we could save them all, after what they have been through, so this American way of life can continue to thrive, without the fear of your family being blown to pieces at the mall. 


That was another point expressed in the movie, fighting these wars on the enemy's turf, keeping the evil from slowly creeping through the cracks in our domestic security blanket.  I completely agree, keep the bloodshed away from American soil, there are plenty willing to fight anywhere in this world to preserve the freedom that so many take for granted, the problem is, when they do fight, and die, there is little more than a number tally on the news at the end of the day.  That is why Chris Kyle did what he tried to do, keep the American death tally as low as he could, but he is only one man.  Well, one Legend, the "true" Legend.  Many will argue that his tally of kills was as reprehensible as the American casualty count, but then they fail to completely understand what is at stake in this war on terror.  And for any American to be that misunderstood on the role this nation plays on a global scale, and the direction this world needs to head in order to achieve peace, well, that is completely baffling. 

The LEGEND portrayed

I can't listen the arguments about Americans being in this country, and that country, and how we are therefore creating the hatred that tries to unleash evil on us at every turn.  How we are creating generations of radical Islamists by our foreign policy, and trying to police the world of it's problems. Because obviously, if we stop what we are doing, the sun will rise in the east tomorrow and peace will have enveloped the world, radical Muslims will not want to exterminate the Jews, or destroy the western world.   And then I wouldn't have to scrutinize the military uniforms in movies and the pink unicorn patches sewn on collars for rank, because those unicorns will be galloping up and down through Babylon province and a teleportation rainbow will extend from the Persian Gulf to the Gulf of Mexico.  Yeah, exactly.  Not!  Gonna!  Happen!  Ever!


So, take it to the enemy, the enemy in this era is Islamic extremism, not the Islamic faith, and no longer communist rule, or the freaking Nazi party.  Why?  Why in the past, have we purposefully, relentlessly, without mercy completely annihilated our enemy, but now, we inflict a non-lethal wound and say we are victorious?  Well, you see, the mentality of Chris Kyle, was simply to do anything and everything to help his military family, he died doing just that, trying to help one of those same individuals, slipping into the abyss, I spoke briefly about earlier.  Tragic, yet from his story, his book, this movie, the American public can gain a better understanding of the type of individual it takes to truly serve this country.  If I had a dime for every time I heard an individual without military experience say they could have served, or been a special operator, or talk nonsense, I'd be a rich man.  Fact of the matter is, the only way to prove you can do something, is to do it, so stop talking smack, and do it if you think you can.  Millions of Americans didn't make excuses why they couldn't serve, they volunteered, persevered, and now wear the distinct label of American Veteran. 

The LEGEND actual

That being said, I don't want to seem like a prude, I fully feel my service has been compensated for, greatly, even now as I continue to serve.  I don't think I am entitled, or special, or deserve any more thanks than the next guy.  Maybe when I'm seventy years old I'll feel different, but now, while I still can, I'll serve, and while I do that, preserve the memories of those like Chris Kyle, and my grandfather, Donald G. Traugh, who was a prisoner of war (POW) during world war II.  Individuals who deserve to be held in the highest regard as patriots, and heroes. 


Who knows, I was in Iraq for nearly all of 2006, actions taken by Chris Kyle, and those like him, may have reverberated as far south as Convoy Support Center Scania where I was.  Maybe indirectly saving my life, or that of my soldiers.  Thankfully, he did what he did, and there is no need to put much thought into that possibility.

A hero's wake

So as far as the movie goes, if I was a teacher grading the movie like a paper, I would give it an "A-."  Well, you see, I'm not a teacher, but I have graded many performances of subordinates in the Army, and I never give anyone all perfect marks.  Might have gotten an "A" if not for the fake baby.  But Cooper and Miller's performances were what mattered most in this movie and I would give them bot an "A."  They did a great job portraying the struggle we as humans go through emotionally when directly or indirectly serving this great nation.


Okay, finally, back to the aforementioned douchebags...


Those three guys, uh, what were their names?  Oh yeah, not wasting any more cerebral capacity bringing up their tasteless remarks.  You see, unless you have walked a mile in combat boots (and by walking a mile, I mean at least a 10 mile forced road march in full battle rattle with at least 50 pounds in your ruck sack, carrying your M16 A2 rifle - or I guess, M4 rifle), your opinion matters none to me, nor should it matter to anyone else.


God Bless America!

The Harsh Reality of Life

It has been many months since I took the time to blog.  Initially, at the time of my last post, I had just returned form my annual training with the Pennsylvania Army National Guard and my civilian job, as a neurosurgical physician assistant, created demands, and I created projects, that took time away from expending energy in any other venue other than work related and family related ventures.  I lost focus on this release, this avenue to allow for thought and to explore the depths of my conscious, and to release the tension bottled up inside me.  This is not the only avenue for which I release, I spend four to five days a week pushing my body with what the average human would consider intense physical activity (yes, it is intense and painful, but feels good regardless).  This is a way to release the physical stress, but not always the best avenue to release the mental and emotional stress, hence, writing.  Whether what I write is poor, or poetic, that matters little to me, until I go back and read what I wrote and realize that it either looks like it was written by a 3rd grader, or that even I, the writer, cannot follow the thought.  However, it will matter to the reader, but this isn't always about the reader.  Sad to say, but why do writers write?  To create worlds, to spur imagination, to define life, for the reader, right?  Yes, in most cases, but often the writer writes to fulfill his needs to release the consistent bombardment of words, phrases, and voices consistently babbling inside his or her mind, to release the schizophrenia before it manifests in that exact diagnosis.  I guess as long as you only respond to the voices and thoughts with internal voice and thought, well, you are not crazy.

3rd of the 103rd Armor Medical Platoon Leadership
Pennsylvania Army National Guard

Over the last few months I have internalized much, and externalized little.  Especially over the last two months, I do not necessarily like to share my personal struggle with those around me, I feel that personal battles are just that, personal.  I am a resilient person, for God's sake, I have spent over seventeen years in service to my country, progressed through the enlisted ranks, private (PV1), private (PV2), private first class (PFC), specialist (SPC), Sergeant (SGT), Staff Sergeant (SSG), and was the third phase of the basic non-commissioned officer course from promotion to Sergeant First Class (SFC) and could have had it back in 2006 when I was deployed to Iraq if it wasn't for red tape.  Instead of attending that last phase, I commissioned as an officer, yes, a direct commission.  I was commissioned as a 1st Lieutenant, only to have that rank stripped over a month later due to administrative failure on the part of the Army Medical Department (AMEDD) recruiters and maybe my own ignorance, in trusting people to do their job.  None-the-less, I went to the Basic Officer Leadership Course (BOLC) at Fort Sam Houston in Texas, was placed in the senior leadership role as the executive officer for the reserve component rotation, and was evaluated as "superior" in leadership skills, and eventually advanced back to 1st Lieutenant in May of 2011.  I've complied with all the Army has asked of me over the years, praised my experience at almost every level.  Of course, when my promotion to Captain was imminent, I left the process, and the packet, in the hands of what I expected to be capable fellow soldiers.  However, after the needed 2 years of time in grade, and another seven plus months on top of that I am still waiting for that promotion.  The reasons, again, administrative and out of my control.  Yes, someone other than myself, failed, but I reap the backlash for those failures.  First, my security clearance, expired in June 2013, unbeknownst to me, and now I must resubmit the painful packet of info and await an investigation.  FYI Army, I wrote a book, want to know anything about me, read it, there are no secrets within those pages, literally my life until the date of publishing is, well, a freaking open book.  Now, there are changes, which I will get into shortly in my personal life, but let me mention the second issue with getting this promotion. 

In July, in anticipation of a promotion, I took a PT test, and updated my DA photo.  At this time I would suspect my packet would go forward, and within 3 months or so, I would be promoted, right?  Well, not really.  It wasn't submitted until November.  By November 2013, due to receiving my fourth Army Achievement Medal in September, my DA photo was not "up to date."  Yes, I said "November," not August, or September, in which at least my DA photo would have been up to date, but now the board reviewed my packet, and rejected it due to one, tiny, oak leaf cluster missing from my army service uniform.  Not because I had a ribbon I wasn't supposed to have, not because I looked like a total turd bag, but because I was missing one tiny oak leaf cluster.  So, you are telling me, after all these years, I'm being judged for missing an oak leaf cluster?  Well, someone up top, looking at these things, is literally misguided and not making decisions in the best interest of soldiers.  Do me a favor, look at all my Non-Commissioned Officer Evaluation Reports, and my Officer Evaluation Reports, and make a decision based on the whole picture, not one, tiny, ribbon device that is missing because my packet was not submitted in a timely manner.  Yes, I am just a little disturbed by this, I have worked my ass off to get to this point in my military career, and now I am subjected to the need for a new updated DA photo, with the addition of that tiny device.  Well, that is great (as in every case, I will comply), but my civilian job does not allow for the leverage to just bebop down to the nearest DA photo lab (Fort Indiantown Gap - 1.25 hour trip) at any given moment.  It takes significant coordination to get down on one of the two days they do DA photos, Tuesday or Thursday, due to my clinic days (which are always booked solid) being those same exact two days.  So the Army National Guard continues to ask more of me, electrically signing over 600 physical health assessments, monthly reviews of profiled soldiers, all of which I need to do during my own time, but they certainly do not feel like going the extra mile for me.  That's okay, I'll continue to do what is medically necessary for the soldiers of my battalion, but someone needs an integrity check, look at your Army Values.  I'll skip complaining about the lag in receiving my provider bonus that is months overdue also.  Frustrating, but not nearly the most frustrating part of my life at this point.

Youngest girls

So, moving on to the personal life.  A series of cascading events has led to the pending implosion of my marriage.  Now, I could simply point fingers at someone, and blame it all on them, but hey, I'm and honest guy, I have faults, read the book, it is all in there.  That being said, not one person in any relationship that dissolves is totally at fault.  But there is always a cascading series of events that leads to the termination and eventual demise of any relationship and the inability of anyone involved from stopping those events.  These events did not start nearly three months ago when all went south, but they started years ago, with an initial climax as mentioned in the book, but we salvaged things and drove on, but those events lingered, and were always there, not on the surface, but underneath, waiting for a time to surface and rape me of dignity and leading to the final climax.  That is mainly my fault, I put myself in the situation to allow this to happen, but continually living like that is not possible (yes, I am being vague).  Now, in the book, there is plenty of praise for all that we as a couple triumphed through, little mention of struggles, the book was closure for me and meant to be a constant reminder for those in my life that I made a mistake and was genuinely sorry about that mistake.  However, not all stories have happy endings, and the end of this story was not written when the book went to print, it was simply waiting to be written.  So where does this leave me at the present time?

Oldest and her little man

Currently, I am coming home to an empty house (most of the time), and trying to put the pieces back together to move forward.  My family is now split between Pennsylvania and Utah, my oldest daughter, with my grandson, left for an extended vacation with her mother and sisters in Utah yesterday.  Her mother and my two youngest have plans to make that move permanent.  The separation from the children is the hardest part, not being there for them when they might need me, luckily, technology has it so we can communicate instantly, via text, facetime, or other means of electronic communication.  But that does not compare to the ability to hold them, and tell them to their faces how much you love them.  There is no winner, only losers in this situation, but, the only direction one can move, is forward.  Onward, adapt, overcome, and persist through life.  Life is not overly difficult, but it's harsh reality at times stings and brings even the strongest of humans to their knees.  For me not to be grateful of the life I have, would be inconsiderate considering what I see daily in my civilian job, families destroyed by cancer, trauma, and other intracranial disease.  Hey, I'm alive and well, as are my kids, and for that I am thankful.  So it would be ignorant for me to complain, too much, about my issues, but it is simply human nature and biology rules the day.

So now, the new book begins.  But just like the last one, the end is a mystery, and I am not sure what will be waiting when I get there.

Chapter One....

Personal satisfaction is a simple matter, it is a matter of happiness, to redefine happiness in my life, I took a hard look at my weaknesses and my strengths, and reflected on all the good and poor choices I have made through the years.  That reflection led me to.....

To be continued......